I have a dream

I live 3 lives:

One is the real one, the other one is in the books and the third one is in my dreams.

I have such vivid dream that my friends and schoolmates never ask me “how are you today?” they always ask me “what have you dreamed tonight?”. That’s the reason why, after having had some great dreams that could have win an Academy Award for the best original screenplay, I’ve started to keep a diary about them. After a couple of years and 102 among the best dreams I’ve had, I feel that writing them down is not enough.

So….I’ve decided to draw them.

Here is the one I’ve had last night.

 

<<I was in a huge, old library. Everything was made of dark wood and, of course, there were loads of books everywhere.

Who knows why, in such a huge library filled with every kind of possible book in the world, among million possible choices I picked up a small book, a short novel with few pages and no images. I set at a big big table and opened the book. It captured me with its very first lines:

“She was sleeping in her bed when a noise woke her up. This was very strange because she was the kind of girl who could sleep ’till the morning in the middle of a bombing. Anyway she woke up and noticed another peculiar thing, the window was open, the full moon was shining outside and an intense cold was coming inside, the wind was moving the curtains.

Suddenly something appeared in front of her. Standing on the window ledge there was a strange little animal, very similar to a bunny but all made of light.

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The bunny easily and quickly jumped outside and the girl immediately felt the need to follow her new guide.

They run trough a dark forest.

It was really cold outside, she was barefoot and her pyjamas wasn’t warm enough for a night time run.

But she didn’t question once her choice, she felt like something huge was going on there and she was part of something bigger than what she had ever experienced.

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The bunny suddenly stopped in front of a little lake, he took a huge jump and landed on the other side of the lake.

The girl stopped and stared at the bunny turning into a human shaped figure all made of light.

The figure slowly set by the lake and invited her to follow him again.

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Then he jumped inside the cold cold water.

Without even thinking about it for even a second she jumped into the water as well .

The water was surprisingly warm, the algae were a comfortable bed and she felt better than ever.

She opened her eyes to discover she had become a red and golden fish.

The light surrounded her, it came from her, it was inside of her.

She was the light, she was her own guide now. And she was finally happy.”

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I closed the book thinking it was really strange that among all those books that was there I had pick up the one who seemed it has been written for me.

Then I took a look around me and realised: that wasn’t MY story but it belonged to EVERYBODY.>>

 

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Tales-Part 1. Ending songs

I’ve found out that I love all those movies that talks about tales in an uncommon way.

Here’s a list of three with great ending songs:

Number 3:

‘Mirror Mirror’ by Trasem Singh
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I have to admit I’ve never stood the character of Snow White, not even in this movie and like most I’ve rotten for the evil, well not so evil more self absorbed, Step Mother, who was ten thousand times more beautiful than the princess.

Anyway, nothing new, they tried to tell a different story but in my opinion they failed, at least on a mature audience, since my little sister loved it.

The real positive shock was the ending song ‘I believe in love’, so catchy with its Indian’s melody, supported by a simple choreography and a rich surround made of colourful dresses and detailed setting.

Number 2:

‘Ella Enchanted’ by Tommy O’Haver
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Starring a beautiful, young and talented Anne Hataway. I couldn’t actually believe how beautiful she was here! Anyway the story is a mix of Cinderella (midnight, evil step-mother and sisters, she even have to steal a pair of crystal shoes), Robin Hood (evil king who is just a substitute of his brother, a snake as counselor) and various elements of the real world.
I really like it, it’s simple and funny, very light and even if you can clearly see it’s a low budget movie it still makes you dream like a child.
I loved the Hataway’s performance of ‘Somebody to love’, it makes you realise she had proved she can sing ages before ‘Les Miserables’.
But what really makes me dancing and sing along was the final cover song: ‘Don’t go breaking my heart’.

Number 1:
‘Shrek’ by Vicky Jenson, Andrew Adamson
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There’s nothing bad to say about this movie. It’s simply one of the best they have ever done. Full of references to other movies and clichés. Every time I see it I get more of them and I laugh even more. Every character is great and the story never gets you bored. Yeah, they’ve done a lot of other episodes which weren’t as good as this one, it was a clear mistake. But the first one. it’s just perfect. It makes you wanna quote very single line!
And the ending…or better the endings…oh…just the bests!

Foundings

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I was just 3 years old when my father introduced me to the world of the recorded voices.We used to sit down together in a park or at home and talk into this recorder about real things that happened to us that day or to made up stories and new animals or characters to interview. We did this for almost 4 years together, then he game the recorder to me.

So I started to bring it with me everywhere. Till the age of 10 I kept on recording sounds and interviews and stories, making all my friends involved in this.

I came back home for a few days and yesterday I was dealing with old pictures and notebooks and…recordings.

For hours I laughed at the things we said, kids are hilarious.

I am lucky, my childhood was really perfect, most of the childhood have up and downs….mine too, but generally I was even more lucky then the others. I had, and still have, a lot of imagination, I loved, and still love, to be with people. And I was loved. And I was helped to develop my skills and qualities most of all the others were.

The recorder broke up, it was somehow the very end of my happy childhood. At that time adolescents feelings and fears and problems were on their way.

But I AM ONE. And I’m happy about this new discovery. I am the happy child, I am the moody adolescent, I am the confused girl and I am the strong young woman I see now. I am all these things. I am past, present and future. I am potential, static and mistakes. All  together.

We all are one and we all are much more then we can expect.

We, people, are wonderful.

disappointment tastes like macarons

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Once I saw a video on vimeo, I think it was an EF commercial. Btw, there was a girl walking through Paris’ streets, meeting new people, eating colourful macarons. [ http://vimeo.com/18886355 ]

It looked like the perfect life to me since I was just a little fragile girl stuck in her closed High School world.

So it came natural to my cousin and I, doing our On-The-Road-South-France-Tour, to buy a huge box of those delicious typical cookies.

We had planned everything: a day in Monaco and Montecarlo, a macarons break and a bus ticket to go to Nice at the end of the day for just 3€.

Well, I should have known, and I was expecting it a little bit, disappointment was on its way to reach me.

Since Edinburgh I had clear that one of the things I love the most is to travel, but not in a common way. I don’t like to lay on the sand, thoughtless, or doing tours just to say “hey! I’ve been there!”. I used to do this, and I quite liked it, but at the end I was always like…well, what’s the difference then between stay there and do the same things at home? That’s exactly the point! The difference stays in what you do and with who. People, new acquaintances, new experiences, different point of views, different culture and architecture and art…that’s why I travel. And that’s why a few days before this journey with my cousin I’ve changed all our plans of a static holiday in the sun into a road trip. Too bad I’ve chosen the wrong partner and maybe even the wrong place, but there was no choice in that. So at the end I had something in between what I like and what I hate. She is more the kind of girl who likes to talk about brands and money, everything has a price tag for her, and she literally never stop talking. I’m more the kind of girl who likes to sit on a desert quiet beach and write down all her thoughts or spend a huge amount of time just to take one picture has I want it to be. So it was hard to find a common ground without space for regrets.

That day was supposed to be one of our tries to be good together. It didn’t worked. The city was extremely expensive and, let me say that, not so beautiful. I was disappointed by the fact that everything was so fake, it looked like Disneyland! My cousin was supposed to be in the right place, but she felt poor compared to all the luxury around us. The only thing that still made us both excited was that macarons’ box. So we went up and down to find a park with grass to sit on, that was harder then we expected. You cannot just sit on the perfect green grass if you are in Monaco and Montecarlo! We had to withdraw on the stairs. But we still had colourful macarons with us! At least we had one little element of happiness.

Too bad we ate them and they turned out to be horribly sweet!!!

Well, I had a lesson from that, a moral of the day: happiness is made of different materials for all of us and disappointment tastes like macarons.

Life

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It’s a big, big, universe
So many dimensions
And unanswered questions…

Not to mention, life
What an invention, life

There’s no choice involved in what you are given
One mind, one voice, one body to live in

Life…

It’s a short, small thing we lead
With so much potential
Pointless or essential
Which one can I be?

Where do I fit?
Where do I stand?
Who are they to say what I am?
And how can I stay inside this awful world I know?

And I need a way out
I need an escape
I’d rather be dead than to live in this place
I wish that something or someone could just take it all away
Someone take me away…

(Life- from the musical -Starship- written by Darren Criss)

Le retour de la jeune fille à la valise

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I’ve always love to travel and I’ve been in many places now but every time I think about it I feel like I’ve been just in three places, by that I mean that the only times I felt like I was really living an experience were when I was in Nederland, NYC and now in Edinburgh. The only times I met people and lived the life of a native.

I’ve always dreamed to live on the road, to travel and discover and grow up facing my mistakes and sharing experiences with different views form different people.

I’ve always consider myself a girl with the baggage always ready to been picked up and go.

Far far away is something I cannot resist.

I’m reconsidering all my choices ’till now and…I find myself full of doubts. I love theatre, the fringe just confirmed it once again, but…I feel trapped in this acting thing that will lead me nowhere. Maybe I am as good as they say…but it’s not enough for me. Not enough to be happy.

I just want to pack my things again and get lost, that’s what I really want…I’ve never liked to stand still in a place, do the same thing everyday…

I am like water, I need to run to the sea and then become rain and river again.

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What I’ve learned this year

Allow yourself to be whatever you want to be.

Breath in positive thoughs, breath out the negatives.

Carry through.

Don’t rush.

End off complaining.

Face the fear.

Get closer.

Hazard.

Ignore the voice inside who’s always judging. (even right now!)

Join in.

Keep the focus.

Love whatever you’re doing.

Make things easier.

Never lose hope.

Observe the details.

Play.

Question yourself.

Realize your dreams.

Stay open.

Thank yourself.

Use your imagination.

Valorize your own creations.

Wonder like a child.

X-men is a great movie.

Zero is a number, not a label.

One Year

One year ago. It’s just one year and it feels like ages thinking about all the changes and all the experiences I’ve lived.

One year ago I was still in Milan looking at a huge board full of papers at the entrance of my high school. I was there staring at the proof, the unbelievable and touching proof that…I was finally free. 5 long years of high school (In Italy we start HS at 14 and it ends when we are 18/19), five long years in a place that didn’t belong to me, 5 long years spent studying something I didn’t care so much about. I love litteratures but I hate some professors who have forgotten that they are teacher not dictators.

Now, today, at a year of distance, I’m here in Rome staring at a couple of words written in an e-mail from Edinburgh C-Venues and I feel even more free than at the end of high school! A couple of weeks ago I applied for a summer job as front house staff at Edinburgh Festival Fringe and…THEY eventually ACCEPT ME!!! This will be such an experience…oh such an amazing amazing experience!! I’ll have to be there on July 20 and I am soooo looking forward to it!!Immagine

Sound like July 7 is my lucky day!

Sometimes I got a good feeling

“ooooooh-oh sometimes I got a good feeling! Yeeeeeeeah!”

I don’t really like that song, it’s just catchy, but right now it’s like an hymn for me, because this time I actually got a good feeling about something that is bound to happen.

I love lists and I do lists of everything, it’s just a good way to clear things, organise and see yourself, your taste and your dreams in an easy way. Lately I’ve done a new list full of things that I’ve had in mind from a long time. Actually is like…if that list did always exist in my mind but some days ago I wrote it down. It can look like something trivial, to write down things you always think about but to be honest that was the first step into a new life. Writing those points meant to me admit how much I really wanted and still want those impossible dreams to happen, to become truth, to become my future, my present and my past. I want to live my life trying, from time to time, to realize those absurd dreams because they could sound crazy things while you read them but they would sound like wonderful adventures while you try to realize them. So I first change the list name from “unrealistic, unlikely to happen, impossible things” to “list to do” to the last “IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING WHEN YOU HAVE JUST ONE LIFE-LIST TO DO ABSOLUTELY!!”.

True. Every time I think I’m, somehow, wasting my time I get more and more depressed ’till I crash into the big wall I’ve built in my depressed days and I realise that someday I’m not gonna be on this beautiful and scary and awful and great earth. And there’s not a second chance in this. ONE LIFE. The question is: “how do I wanna spend it? In my bed staring at the walls around me -real and unreal- and wondering how would it be if… or doing a random and sure job, trying to make everybody around me happy by my sacrifice? Or maybe…maybe the best way to spend the time we are given is: do things we love and makes us happy, fight the prejudice, burn walls and build bridges…”